Under the Category |Reflect & Discard
I’ve always been jealous and competitive since childhood. Born as the eldest son in my family, my grandfather always taught me that I should always live a successful life. My mother also had a different expectation from me than my brothers. My brothers never had any tutors, but for me, my parents always gave me the opportunity of having a tutor.
Therefore, I had no choice but to have excellent academic results compared to my younger siblings.
In class, I was constantly competing with another student for the top spot, alternating between 1st and 2nd place. Even the school teachers had high expectations of me. They all expected me to live a life of success.
I received the attention and praise of my family and those around me, and because of this, I felt somewhat burdened. Also, growing up, I was a very sensitive child. Because of that when I was studying, if my siblings made any noise, I would open the door right away and shout angrily at them.
So I graduated, and I got a job as a programmer that others envy. Even there, I always competed with my colleagues.
Because I have to do better than others and I saw everyone as being my competition, I never went out for a drink on weekends, or to hang out with colleagues.
As a result, there were no friends and no close colleagues to hang out with. They were all enemies to me. If they did better than me, I became anxious and jealous of them. I wanted them to make mistakes. I have been always tensed just like that and living in competitive mode.
Even though I was only 41 years old, I became so sick that I couldn’t work anymore. Because my stomach couldn’t digest well, I couldn’t eat well, and whenever I ate, I started to feel so much pain and discomfort.
And at night, I couldn’t sleep well and suffered from insomnia. When I went to the hospital, I was told not to be stressed, and the doctor recommended meditation.
So I searched online for meditation and I found this meditation created by the teacher Woo Myung and I started right away. During this meditation, I did something for the first time that I have never done before. I looked back on myself for the first time ever. While meditating, I realized the fact that I have never looked back on myself, and through this meditation, I was able to see so many things about myself.
When I looked inside, I could see I was very evil in my thinking and I only cared about myself. After seeing it, I was really disgusted with myself. I’ve never treated my siblings well in my life and always ignored them. I always had to be the best, I was the main character, and they were just extras in my movie.
And in my life, I have never liked anyone. Friends, teachers, co-workers, even my parents, they were always a potential competitor to me. I didn’t hesitate to talk in smart words and actions to avoid being ignored by them. There were all kinds of negative feelings in my heart, hating others, and wanting to defeat others. It is so obvious this is why my body was so sick.
As long as I knew how ugly I was inside, I couldn’t live with myself. Immediately after work, I rushed to the meditation center and meditated diligently for at least 2 hours every day.
Even though I have never done meditation before, this meditation was easy to follow.
And while doing this meditation, I realized that the others are no longer my rivals, or enemies. I was my own worst enemy. The moment I realized this, I was really grateful for this meditation and Teacher Woo Myung for founding this meditation.
If I hadn’t started this meditation, I would still have conflicts with others and see everyone as my competition and enemy for the rest of my life. I might have exhausted myself and fallen into a deep depression. After I got rid of the obsessive attachments and greediness within me, I no longer have to compete with others anymore. Instead, I just focus on doing my best.
I don’t have to be afraid that others will do better than me, and now my mind is always relaxed and I feel at peace. My stomach doesn’t hurt anymore, I can digest my food easily without any issues and I get very good sleep at night now. It is so good now, but I’m looking forward to seeing how much better it will be, so I will go to the meditation center again and meditate until I reach human completion. After reading my experience, I hope this will resonate with many people and I hope to practice this meditation together. I heard that there are many meditation centers in the United States that guide the same meditation method that teacher Woo Myung found. I hope this opportunity will be a chance for you to look back at yourself for once and discard.