Posted by Meditation USA on July 29, 2020
Hyunjung Song / Housewife
“Are you drinking again?” “Please do the dishes.” “You’re going fishing too much.” “You should read to your child.” It seemed like everything my husband was doing, I didn’t like. I was nagging him constantly. And every time I started nagging him, he would look at me with anger or annoyance in his eyes. My husband knew what he had done wrong, but he was not willing to fix it. More and more, I nagged him, and as a result he began returning home later and later and there was more animosity between us.
I Nagged Because I Wanted to Be Comfortable and Wanted My Husband to Do as I Wished
When I started meditating, I brought up all of my ugly emotions towards my husband and let them go. Eventually, I realized one important thing.
I thought that he only cared about himself and that I was nagging for the sake of our family, but I wasn’t. I wanted to be comfortable and I wanted to make my husband do everything my way. Also, my constant nagging was related to the environment in which I grew up.
As the only daughter in a family with three brothers, I had grown up doing almost all of the housework. I complained. Why should I be the only one who had to do the house work? I hated my brothers because they didn’t help.
As a result, my ideal companion type was an attentive man who only cares for me. My husband was far from my ideal type but it wasn’t his fault. Creating that ideal, then being disappointed and lamenting that he didn’t fit it, then nagging and blaming him, were all my faults. After I realized that, I felt so sorry for how I had treated him.
As I Began to Understand My Husband, I Became Happy When He Did His Thing
My husband worked with a lot of people all day. The only thing I did for my husband – who always worked hard for his family – was to nag him… I could understand why my husband wanted to drink and go fishing every chance he got. Naturally, my tone toward my husband gradually changed to asking for his help. These days, I prepare my husband a snack when he drinks. When he goes fishing, I pack him a lunch box and exclaim, “I hope you catch a big fish!” Good luck!”
My husband began to change gradually. When he went fishing, he used to try to leave quietly, but now he says, “Do you mind if I go fishing?” He has reduced the amount of alcohol he drinks every day and helps me around the house. When there is a social gathering that I am going to, he puts in the effort to go with me. Now I am really thankful for such a husband.